I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
