sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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