Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
