I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize