someone owes me an orgasm
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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