Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
