just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Success! We fucked roommates!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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