Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize