shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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