I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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