oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
