new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
