if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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