Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
did you just send me my own nude
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
