we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
