The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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