My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
