So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize