You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
