All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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