Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
