what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
