not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think I am morally bankrupt
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
