i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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