I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
