she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Randomize
