i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
