Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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