i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
