drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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