Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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