Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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