I wish I could teleport
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
