I hate all girls vehemently.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
BRING THE BAGELS
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
