Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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