i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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