How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
