i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Operation Purity has been aborted
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
