I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
