The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
