You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
two words...techno handjob
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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