why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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