Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
