well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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