im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
