Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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