'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
