it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
