I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
