I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
