it wasn't lemon gatorade
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
