I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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