Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
