i think my tv is drunk
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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