I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize