You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
