4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
