we have officially lost it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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