Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
