Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
