His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
