I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
