someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
