Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Sorry about my life...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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