Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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