this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
