I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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